Sunday, 8 November 2015

Five things I learned from SPECTRE

With a launch that's broken UK box office records by taking in more than £41million in its first week of release, it's pretty clear that our beloved Mr Bond continues to capture the hearts of the nation with the latest addition to the 007 franchise, SPECTRE, taking to the big screen.

As ever, Mr Craig, or should I say Mr Bond, looks seriously fit, sporting a build similar to one of the New Zealand rugby team. The movie itself is jam-packed with intense action scenes, and of course multiple suave dress changes (or suit changes for Mr Bond), as well as numerous shaken, not stirred martinis.

When it comes to movies it's the ones which incorporate fast cars, explosions, kick-ass fighting music and high-speed car chases which tend to capture my attention. No prizes for guessing who I got my film taste from...thanks dad.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to take a look at the movie from a different perspective and really think about what I took from it. Bearing in mind I sat through SPECTRE with NO juice, NO popcorn and worst of all, NO PICK N' MIX, all down to my own bad-timing, but what's a girl to do.

Here are the top five things I learned from SPECTRE. Disclaimer: definite spoilers alert!

1. Never trust your siblings or half/step/adopted siblings
Ok so the dude who's been causing Bond all this heartache for the past decade, by turning his life upside down, killing off everyone he loves and the so-called author of all his pain- turns out to be his adopted dad's son. Or something like that.

Growing up with two little sisters, one pretty close to me in age and the other ten years younger, I can relate to the whole "I'm going to ruin your life for eternity" thing, after attempting to kill my sister (on numerous occasions) by poisoning her with special 'potions' and successfully pushing her down the stairs many times.  I was young and mischievous, don't judge too harshly. In comparison to the movie I guess I'd be the evil brother, although I'd rather be a bond girl propped up at the bar, sipping on the finest champagne.

2. Nice cars don't come to those who wait
The worst side effect of action movies, for me, is that I end up thinking I could be one of the stunt doubles in the movie. Driving home you would honestly think I was auditioning to be the next James Bond, or trialling for the next spot on a Formula 1 racing team. Then again, my wee 1.2 litre Corsa really isn't going to get me very far, is it.

Sadly, unlike Mr Bond us everyday folks can't just jump into any car we seem fit, even if Grand Theft Auto has shown us how to do so.  It seems only Bond himself will be getting behind the wheel of the industries fastest beauties. Maybe one day...

3. Heels are impractical for kicking ass
My day job (not that its your typical 9-5 job anyway) results in a lot of running in heels. Heels can make any outfit look glamorous, but when it comes to taking on the world, running from gunmen and jumping on and off of speedboats, it's safe to say I would quite gladly pass on the heels and get the flats on instead.

Heels may make our legs look sexy ladies, but a broken ankle won't get you very far whilst fighting crime.

Note to self: if ever challenged to take on a man the size of a small elephant, don't just sack the shoes, run.

4. NEVER enter a bar in the middle of nowhere if it doesn't serve alcohol
Being a fond lover of cocktails, it breaks my heart that the lavish clinic poor James entered didn't serve alcohol. Don't get me wrong, I don't condone excessive drinking or alcoholism but out of the whole of the mountain they end up on, the ONLY building for miles doesn't serve alcohol. Tragic.

James Bond with no vodka Martini, what is the world coming to!?

My preferred tipple...
5. Don't shoot mysterious briefcases
Bang and the dirt is gone. Well actually in this case it's bang and half of Mexico is gone. Kaboom. Gone.

As obnoxious as Mr Bond is, did he really have to shoot the briefcase with a bomb big enough to bring down a football stadium full of people right in the heart of Mexico? Yes, yes he did. As exciting as it was watching him jump from building to building, somersaulting in mid air frantically trying to recover his gun, which he seemed to have somehow misplaced, of course he would end up smugly settling his arse on a sofa unscathed. Classic Bond moves or what.

The worst, but also best part of this is that no matter what the challenge, and trust me when I tell you, he goes through a fair few challenges, Mr Bond always ends his missions successfully. Bravo old chap.

A final last word to the wise cinema go-er...When visiting the cinema, be wary of who you end up sitting beside. Being stuck beside an extremely heavy breather for over two hours whilst trying to concentrate on Mr Bond's ridiculously insane moves is slightly heartbreaking, especially when they have juice, popcorn and a pick n' mix galore. Go figure.

For now...

Just Julia

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